Please bear in mind that I’m not a kid hater. On the contrary, I’ve always loved kids. I love to play with them, know their thoughts when they can’t talk yet, make them calm down when they cry, and sometimes, even spoil them.
But having my own child, is a different story.
Plus, I have a partner who thinks the same way =)
Here are some of my reasons why being childless is the way to go:
3.) Joy and I have only been together for two years. For a couple who’d love to travel (booked trips this year: Boracay, Tuguegarao, Bohol and Coron), and accomplish a lot of things, having a kid hinders all that. When you’re single, or at least when you’re in a relationship without kids, you are only responsible for yourself.
If you suddenly want to pack up and escape for the weekend, you wouldn’t have to ask a sister, a mother in law, a baby-sitter, or anyone, to take care of the kid, who you didn’t want to bring along as you enjoy the waves of Baler. You didn’t want a crying infant when you want to camp out in Annawangin. You won’t find it convenient to trek Mt. Pinatubo if you have a 3- year-old kid tugging along.
When you want to help in the family, financially, having your kids, which become your priority, keeps you from doing just that. Yes, there would be less expectations of you financially, but you would also feel bad inside in not being able to help send your other siblings to school, or that your parents aren’t retired yet in their 60’s.
I mean, I’ve caged myself for such a long time that I feel like I wanted to do everything all at once. Joy has worked hard as the eldest to help at home. She was even at the verge of leaving the country – me included – to achieve that.
I have the highest respect for and admiration to those who have already started their own families, but PLEASE spare me the question, “Kayo ni Joy, kelan?”, or worst, “Sino sa inyo ni Joy and magbubuntis?” OMG, seriously? First that is so out of the picture. If Joy chooses not to bear a child, neither would I!!! (Butch nga diba?)
I want my Saturday nights to be spent blogging, cuddling, watching a movie or two, or just sleep after a week’s stress. I don’t want kids to wake me up very early on a Sunday morning to cook for their breakfast. I don’t want kids tearing up the current John Grisham book I’m reading, because they’d want me to put it down and play with them instead. I don’t want my kids to pick up my phone while I’m preparing dinner, and hammer it like it’s a big protruding nail. Hell, NO!!!!
2.) I won’t adopt a child just because I’m scared no one will take care of me when I’m old. That’s not fair for the child. It is in no way, the child’s obligation to give back to a parent what they spent for when the child was born, until it finished school. This is the common misconception we have of children. That they are in this world, so when they’re done with school and already working, they’d take care of us. First, let the kid choose what he damn pleases to do in his life. As a parent you are there to provide while they can’t, and guide them when they already can. Disappointments and frustration come out when, after sending the kid to school for 16 years, sometimes even more, they don’t turn out to be what was expected of them. A child you raised became a human rights advocate when you wanted her to be a CPA lawyer. A child you sent to school ended up in a call center. Also, I don’t want to be faced with an ingrate child. A kid who yells back at you for not getting the summer vacation she wants after you sacrificed an entire year of paydays to get her through her last year in college. A daughter who gets pregnant while in school because she’s had issues at home (oh come on!). A son gets home drunk and disrespects you because a lesbian couple raised him and he’s ridiculed in school for it. The list is endless. The pain is unforgettable. So, why get the very same rock you’d hit yourself in the head with?
1.) Most importantly, I don’t want a lifetime responsibility that I can’t handle. I mean, when in it’s already there, I know that I would find ways to rear it, feed it, send it to school. And I know I would just about anything to ensure that. But no, I don’t want that kind of life. All my life that’s what our family did. Struggle to put food on the table, make ends meet to send kids to school, and provide for the family. I don’t want to live from paycheck to paycheck. I don’t want to want to buy something so much and walk away teary after seeing the price tag. I don’t want my kids to use worn out hand-me-down shoes and bags to school. I don’t want to share just one small can of corned beef for the entire family of 5 for breakfast. I don’t want my kids to have to live with relatives who might have their own reasons for agreeing to look after them. I don’t want my kids to eventually give up an ambition, because it has to quit school and start working at 18. I don’t even want to see my kids do the book reports of other students in exchange of a sandwich or lunch. Nope, I don’t want to have to go through that road ever again. And if I don’t think I’m financially ready, I won’t bring a child forth into this world to suffer the same fate I did. Nope, not a chance.